Body Language

Yahoo! had an article called Three Nonverbal Keys to Negotiation. It is basically about body language. Nothing new, but the reminding is good. I'm recollecting the parts I found useful and want to keep in mind. These have been recommended to use while negotiating, but can be used all time.

The first is called the power stance. It is a stance that reflects authority. It is common sense. Keep both feet planted, about shoulder width apart. That looks solid because it is a stable stance. Aikido and other Asian Arts takes it one step further by having one foot forward with the other back. This gives fore and aft stability. In this position, you can keep better balanced if pushed from the front or behind, and you can lean more forward or back.

Another part of the stance is to keep the shoulders high and back while keeping relaxed. Another obvious way to express sureness and project authority. If you overdo it, thought, you look like you're trying too hard or you're overly self-involved and cocky. Cocky is a good word for this; it is so much like a rooster.

Also, hold the head high with the neck directly underneath. This is also recommended in Feldenkrais. Keeping the head and neck (and the rest of the body for that matter) in a balanced, neutral position puts the least stress and wear on the body, conserves your energy, and allows you to relax more easily. And as this article states, it also projects authority. I see a lot of people with this flaw in posture. It really does make them look unsure and timid. It is so revealing. I've seen guys who are large and muscular and tall with their heads bent forward. It negates the authority of their size. A lot of tall people do this. Along with slumped shoulders. Especially gals. You can gather that it's probably they feel awkward being taller than a lot of guys. And insecure tall people, in general, don't like the way their height draws attention to themselves.

The last two parts are stomach in and arms relaxed at sides. Relaxed arms shows a calm confidence. And stomach in displays a stable core. They should add a slightly arched back. Core stability comes from all directions. The key is to keep a neutral position. This is where balance gives you effortless power. You can hold up you body easily in this position. Being relaxed this way lets you use your energy for other things.

A good tip in the article is to not lean against anything. You think it's more restful, but even better is to stand and sit straight in a neutral position. It's the most relaxed way to be still in space.

They also remind to sit with feet planted, too, instead of crossing the legs or sliding feet under you. I've been very conscious of how the legs look better this way while sitting.

Another good tip that body language source all talk about is the effect of leaning forward or back. They say one exudes energy and the other expresses relaxedness. Good to use in negotiation, I see. If you want to dominate and get attention and express more authority, lean forward. If you do it while listening, the other feels like you upped your interest in what they're saying. The other really feels like you are listening. If you want to appear unfazed and confident and unshaken, lean back. While listening, though, thus makes it look like you lost interest or just don't care at all.

A quick reminder: Crossing arms communicates that you want to put a barrier between you and the other person. It can betray your feelings; that you are feeling vulnerable and defensive. In can be used to your advantage, too. You can communicate that you are not in agreement with the other by crossing your arms and shaking your head, No. Is also useful when reading other people's body language.

What I got about hands is to refrain from touching in most cases. This includes yourself: Don't touch your face. I've been observing this for a while now since I read that rubbing the side of the nose or scratching the ear or side of the face is a sign of a deceptive comment. Sometimes the person is lying. Sometimes the person is unsure or uncomfortable with the comment. I saw it a lot on TV when a celebrity was being interviewed and is asked an awkward, personal, or revealing question.

Another good hand tip is that any kind of gripping with the hands is a sign of discomfort. It might reveal that you are uneasy, intimidated, or unsure.

It was a good reminder that people's feelings are revealed most in their eyes. Making eye contact is well-known. Making eye contact with everyone involved is a good detail. Another good reminder is that an authentic smile involves the eyes. Also, that dilating pupils reveals excitement. They say it reveals interest, but I think it might reveal fear as well.

Negative actions with the eyes are to blink often and to look away when someone is talking to you. They say the more a person blinks, the less trusted that person is. Looking away obviously reads as a lack of interest or more interest in other things.



Well, this has gone on too long. Here are the key points I want to remember:

• You can project authority with your stance and stride. The easiest and most natural way to do this is to find a balanced position.
• Don't lean against a wall or anything else. It is more restful to stand on your own in a balanced neutral position.
  
• What you do with your arms and hands reveals a lot about how you feel and what you're thinking. Touching your face for no reason is an example.
• Leaning forward shows interest. Leaning back shows you are calm and relaxed.
• Eye contact (and lack of it) has a powerful effect.
• Gripping with your hands reveals tension.
• The more you blink, the less you are trusted. So they say.
• Watch for those dilating pupils!
  
• Observe other people when interacting with them. Instead of being self-conscious and nervous, put your attention on what they are revealing to you. You will be a much better communicator in all kinds of interactions.